feeling old!
I am getting old perhaps - I drove to Ithaca this weekend - it was a bunch of eight - it was fun but not satisfying - my roomie obeserved it in the photos - i am beginnning to like less and less people around me - dealing with too many people together is just too tiring - and i do not like putting in the efforts - i dont like blending in anymore - going to a nice place is no more - about running around like kids anymore - i wont mind that for a while - but i do like to just sit around and laze - i would have loved to just sit near the waterfall - and just look at it - intead of takinga thousand and one pictures, i would have just liked to sit beside the lake under a nice shade - sleep off - wake up again to watch the scuba diver trying to catch ffish with his hands - watch the young dad trying to teach his impatient son to fish - watch the ducks floating on the water - just sit there and watch - nothing else - think my own thoughts - go into my own dream world - but i couldnt i had to keep other people happy - i had to run around and play frisbee - i had to go where they wanted to go and whe they wanted to go - the real fun was when i drove the car all by myself beside cayuga - playing my kind of music - and after wards when there were only three people in the car - when just the three of us roamed around the campus - i would have loved to sit there on campus for sometime also - and just enjoy the view - or just look at the lovers makingout on the grass - when i tried to do that - there was too much antagonism - i could see it in their faces - i could feel it intheir body language - so i set out to unravel things - i dont like tensions in the group - it got sloved also - but i didnt like exerting myself even that little bit - it tired me - maybe i should go in very small groups from now on - just the ones i want - its scary how like my father i am becoming day by day - even more scary is the fact that now i have an idea of what my future would be like - if i follow my dad's golden path - and i dont know if i have the courage to live by myself like that..........
posted by beas hyphasis at 2:59 PM
2 Comments:
Hey,
Would so love to write a lengthy comment on this one - but time doesn't permit. This post strikes a chord someplace. One thing I would like to comment though - if you were actually given what you want i.e. long periods of solitude, I feel you would want your friends back.
As usual, I reserve the right to be 100% wrong :D
very true - ur probably 100% right but there is one thing - i used to be a loner back in India - an only child who had her own imagination to crowd her world and tho that made me a huge day dreamer but it was a fun world - i guess i dont like being woken up to the realities of the world and putting on masks to face everything . Then i used to dream about a more active life going out with friends now i dream of a settled family life again - guess this will go on in a cycle.
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